New Corralaries to Murphy's Law:
Remember: Murphy was an optimist!
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. Corralaries: your cell phone will ring or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Corralary: Any fastener, when dropped, will land in/under: a.) an inaccessible crack or hole, b.) deep dirt or rocks that are the same size/color as the fastener c.) if working on a motor, into the motor. d.) if working on a boat, into the water. e.) if working on a plane, somewhere into the cowling where it will cause a loud rattle once airborne.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Inverse Corralary: There will be no one around to witness some brilliant act that you'll never be able to reproduce in a thousand years.
Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Corralary: When you get a new phone number, you will realize you transposed two numbers only after you've given out the wrong number to everyone.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
School Excuse Corralary: Unexcused absences will be more than the number of possible relatives' funerals.
Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Shower Corralary: When needing shampoo, you will find only conditioner. And vice-versa.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Corralary: The closer the person you know is to your spouse, the more attractive the person you're with will be.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Corralary: Until they leave.
Law of the Plug: You will always have one less outlet within reach than you have plugs.
Corralary: You will always have one less port available than you have peripherals.
2nd Corralary: You will always be short one type of A/V connector and you will always have one type of connector that you will never use. Between which there will be no adapter.
Law of the Fax: When faxing out a multi-page contract, all pages will go through unattended, except for the signature page.
Corralary: When receiving a fax, all pages will come through fine, but you'll run out of paper on the signature page.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Corralary: The severity of the skin blemish is directly proportional to the proximity of the public event.
2nd Corralary: And proportional to the visibility of said blemish.
Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Corralary: And they'll have noisy children.
2nd Corralary: And their seats are right next to you.
Law of Coffee: If you take cream or sugar, the proportions will be exactly right at the moment the server refills your cup.
Corralary: As soon as your coffee is the right temperature, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Law of Starbucks: When you're in a hurry and want just a drip, the person in front of you is buying for everyone in their office.
Corralary: And they'll buy the last of your favorite pastry in the case.
Law of the Barrista: The likelihood that your drink order will be wrong is directly proportional to how soon you need to be somewhere else.
Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Corralary: And your neighbor will be a senior citizen with no sense of modesty.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Corralary: The less the person understands what they're saying, the more vehemently they will expound upon it.
Law of Lost Shoes: The more shoes one has, the more likely that no match will be found--of the type and color that matches the outfit you're wearing. Pairs of all other colors and types will be everywhere.
Corralary: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Law of Replacement Products: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Corralary: When replaced under warranty, an indentical model will not be available. Unless you didn't really like that model to begin with.
2nd Corralary: For electronic/computer components, the likelihood that the replacement unit will be functionally identical is inversely proportional to both the critical aspect of the component in a system (video board, memory, tuner/receiver) and its expense to replace/upgrade. See also corralaries of "Law of the Plug".
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