SCOTUS Agrees to Hear Trump Immunity Claim

2/28 /24 8:20p 

 The WaPo, in a story about the SCOTUS taking up the Cheeto’s immunity claim, concludes with,

“If Trump is elected president in November, he is expected to end the prosecution and has argued that voters should serve as his ultimate jury.”

There seems to be little disagreement that he could, as President, absolutely end the prosecution on Jan 21, ‘25. But he’ll not be sworn in until late in the first month of 2025. A week shy of 11 months from now. So what if:

1. The trial starts before 11/5? Say, August. Lots of time for motions. The press almost forgets to cover the election for the trial. Except that Trump is campaigning as a martyr, and of course there is nothing better for ratings and clicks than campaign speeches on a courthouse’s steps.
2. The trial concludes quite as expected in Dec. He is found guilty of some felony. The specifics, it turns out, are quite irrelevant but for the societal impact and potential descent into chaos. But in these circumstances the country doesn’t immediately dissolve in civil war. Most notably because:
3. The citizenry, having lost its senses, and because of a completely misguided and fanciful Social Media campaign to “Protect Trump”, elects the Cheeto to President. He is President-elect. There is peace on the streets, though emigration to Canada surges. I put this, quite cynically, 3rd in the list and following the court verdict owing to a long delay in elector assignment due to long planned GOP shenanigans and monkey business. December 11 is when the electors complete votes in all the states. The left wring their hands and Antifa tries scattered ‘protests’ (cover for attempts to incite chaos and anarchy), but it doesn’t stick. Proud Boys want to go use violence against something, but all skirmishes are put down—police have been preparing for this for years—and the Right already won, okay? So why get out of your basement into the early winter?
   3a. We disregard his voters who claim the Cheeto didn’t lose the last election and was always secretly in control of the US Government and Military. Thus explaining how aid to Ukraine has been suspended and the economy is better now—better than when he was still/previously/always???—POTUS, and therefore is ineligible to serve a 3rd term. But we point it out because it is always funny to watch this cohort go blank-faced when presented with this paradox of their own making. Thank you, Jordan Klepper.
4. The Sentencing Phase of the Cheeto’s trial concludes on January 7, the day after Kamala Harris certifies the Electoral College vote, keeping the bile in her throat as she does so, but upholding the tenents of our democracy. The Cheeto’s sentence? Some amount of prison time is required for this scenario to play out completely—I’m glad you’re still with me here. Let’s be really Hollywood and say the sentence laid down by US District Court Judge Tanya Chutkan is long enough so where the first parole hearing could absolutely not take place before Jan 20., 2029. 
   4a. The Cheeto demands release because he’s the President now. He claims to pardon himself. The District Court for the District of Columbia takes up the issue as to whether a President Elect can pardon themselves. They won’t hear oral arguments until well past thend of this list. Likewise appeals are paralyzed as everyone expects the President if/when sworn-in to undo all of this. The right rather wants this test of Presidential authority as it makes the coming suspension of other legal and democratic norms easier in the coming months.
5. And so, in the game of 3-Dimensinal chess that he plays against himself, Donald J. Trump is remanded to federal custody on 1/9. [Gosh that felt good to write, even if fiction.] How can this be? Because he has the perfect trusted 2nd in his pocket. No Mike Pence, the Veep-elect is completely and absolutely loyal, and will sidestep the proven-untrustworthy courts to free him and then install him as president. 
6. His Vice President Elect calms the nation during this “Constitutional Crisis”that The Cheeto will run the country quite effectively from prison, and that as the titular president they will execute The President’s every whim until he is released on pardon. This is all telegraphed in the clear, the intent proudly uttered from podiums and before cameras everywhere. The President-Elect gets one tweet (‘X’) out before being rendered incommunicado, confirming the VP-elect’s statement. He is, as always, in complete control. He wants something that only the best mob bosses in US and world history have done: runnthe game from prison (for a couple weeks, anyway). 
7. No civil war takes place, conspirators go back to their keyboards to continue the incremental loss of their minds, and so it is that:
8. On Jan 20, 2025, Ivanka Trump is sworn in as the 37th President of the United States. Her husband is installed as the VP. After the parties are over he is sent to New York to try to unwind some 2024 payments the family business made to the state.
9. Ivanka, cushioned by some favorable ‘mainstream media’ reporting, chooses to not commute her father’s sentence as she walks away from the desk set up with his pardon and a bunch of souvenier pens up in the Capitol rotunda behind the inauguration ceremony. Fox News loses its mind, but people are tired. Focus is on the parites and photo ops with America’s first female president—and doesn’t she look great in that Nancy Regan homage red dress! QAnon gets a brief bump with some numerological explanations as to when DJT will return and begin his 1,000 year reign.
10. While this is reaching a fever pitch Cheeto experiences “sudden death syndrome” (a Russian ailment) in prison. The internet, but nothing else, explodes. Pictures of DJT and Jeffery Epstein fly into chat rooms and there is a brief spike in the sale of red yarn and pushpins at Dollar Generals around the country. Ron Desantis slow walks the investigation and challenge of the Tallahassee Federal Penitentiary’s role in #46’s timely demise.
11. Trump II has a fairly conservative but uneventful term. Women’s reproductive rights are restored, the SCOTUS gets another conservative (but women’s right’s progressive) member when Justice Thomas takes up John Oliver on his motor home and $1M/yr pension offer to retire. There is graft, but Ukraine funding is restored and raised, Israel’s military funding is held-up and the Gaza war enters a cease-fire the next day. Trump holds no truck with Congress’ extreme right wing and embraces the moderates of both parties (both houses being led by Democrats) and as her first act rejoins the Paris Climate accord and the Iranian Nuclear Proliferation treaty.

    Now isn’t that a nice story?

    To quote Harlan Ellison, “And fuck you, too.” :)